as I don't want you to be unhappy.

Awww, see your off on the right foot there. But then...

Lovingly yours forever omg,

Your future kidnapper.

I think the use of the word 'kidnapper' is where you go wrong there. Perhaps 'grabber', or 'a person who nicely takes you away' etc etc... might help eliminate panic.

Or maybe you should just sign it. Not that I'm admitting I was wrong...cause that's never happened before!